The Witch is back in The Sims Medieval Print
Written by Paperpin Thursday, 17 February 2011 12:19
GamePro has published an article about The Sims Medieval and... WhooHoo-ing. Sort of.
The article is available after the jump or on the original page. Please note that the pictures you will find do not belong to the described quest, but come from EA Games Studios.

ps. Thanks to SimPrograms for the find!

Get an inside glimpse of The Sims Medieval as AJ Glasser tries to make two Sims do it in the Middle Ages.


I have an obsession with making Sims schtoop. No matter how complex I make the setup (feuding families, rapidly burning house, incest), I always manage to get even the most prudish Sim into bed with another "target" Sim in the game. I thought The Sims Medieval would be no different in the "doing it" department -- I mean, they don't call prostitution "the oldest profession in the world" because it wasn't happening in the Middle Ages -- but one Witch proved me wrong.

A higher-level quest in Medieval called "The Witch Is Back" introduced me to the hardships of courtly love. "Witch" allows players one of three ways to resolve the plot conflict of a Witch showing up in your Kingdom -- Death, Marriage, and some third option I completely missed in my haste to click Marriage. The main character in the Marriage plot line of the Witch quest is the Monarch character of the Kingdom -- in my game, Lord Hal Halstingdingworth.

Lord Hal has Licentiousness as his Fatal Flaw. All Sim characters in Medieval get at least one special interaction as a result of their Fatal Flaw and at least one negative status effect that randomly pops up if something triggers the Fatal Flaw (e.g. a Sim afflicted with Hubris might be Blinded By Hubris after looking in the mirror). Hal's problem is Dry Spell -- a status effect he had at the very beginning of the Witch quest when he had a strange dream of a powerful magic-user (players can choose either male or female). Because I hadn't met his Witch to Be yet, I had Hal call over a serving wench for some Wooing that eventually turned into Woo-Hooing after I Courted her and Extolled Her Virtues a few times.

Dry Spell sated, I headed down to Town Square where Hal was promptly mugged. Guess I hadn't leveled up my kingdom's Security stat enough in previous quests. After Hal's bad mood wore off (helped along by sending a few onlookers to the stocks), I found a villager telling me that a Witch just got hauled off to the stocks. Following the trail, I found my Witch to Be getting a face full of tomato in the Judgment Zone.

I released the Witch and asked her back to the castle. Though the quest text prompted me to talk with her, I had to side-track for a minute to Hunt Boar and Pass Edicts -- required daily chores of a Monarch character in Medieval. But then I set about getting to know the Witch through extensive social interaction. She liked being Wooed, she liked Rough Housing, but she didn't like Hal Complimenting Her Ankles (thanks, Licentious trait).

After our relationship hit a high note with the Rough Housing, the game asked if I wanted to solve the Witch problem with Military Strategy or sex. Hal had another Dry Spell about the same time, so of course I choose the latter. But the Witch had standards -- she wanted to go on a date to Town Square where Hal could show her off before getting into bed. But who should be hanging around the village well but a Warlock -- the Witch's ex-boyfriend.
The Witch asked me to throw her ex out of town, but when I tried, he hexed Hal and I had to go back to the Witch to get the curse lifted. Then I Hunted Boar, sent somebody to the pit beast and decided to Woo-Hoo with the Witch as a reward for Hal putting up with all this drama. Guess the Witch enjoyed herself -- she got up and spent an hour casting spells next to Hal's bed while he slept.

The next morning, the quest prompted me to talk to the Witch about her ex. The modern girl in me balked -- that kind of talk is a huge no-no in relationships of the 21st century. But things were different back then I suppose, because the Witch was so happy with Hal asking about her ex, she presented him with a magic curse-warding ring and a plea to fight her ex.

No problem -- the jackass was still down at Town Square casting lighting next to the well (smart). I threw down with him in the Dueling mini-game where the Sim whose health runs out first loses, but instead of letting Hal end him right there and then, the game asked if I wanted the Warlock exiled or sent to the pit beast. I choose pit beast and my Witch immediately started Serenading me, so I suppose it was the right choice.

I thought the quest was over, but the game said I had to Marry the Witch to close the deal. No problem, I thought -- the game already let me sleep with her. But, nope, never got the Marriage prompt. I Extolled Virtues, Professed Undying Devotion, event Complimented Her Ankles a few times (which she hated just as much as when she and Hal weren't sleeping together). I was just about to give up on the quest as glitched when I remembered the serving wench -- the one I had to Court to get into bed with me.

Sure enough, as soon as I called her over and Broke Up with her, the marriage prompt popped up in the Witch's social interaction tree. I was completely floored -- the game let me sleep with as many different people as I wanted, but I could only Court one person at a time? I guess things really were different in the Middle Ages.

As a final gesture of affection to my beloved Witch, I sent the serving wench to the pit beast. Then selected the Marry Here option from the relationship menu, as Hal is a godless heathen who therefore can't get hitched in either of his Kingdom's two churches. Despite this spiritual handicap, a Jesus-like figure called the "Officiator" descended from a column of light to perform the ceremony and Hal got his Witch while I got the quest points to spend on better Security for the Kingdom. The end. At least until I re-roll with a male Monarch who dreams of a Warlock instead of a Witch.

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Last Updated on Friday, 18 February 2011 15:46